On My Mind

April 30, 2021

 

There are rushing rivers overflowing with thoughts in my mind

Canals of feelings with sparks, clouds, rain and thunderstorms

A heart that keeps pumping even after it has been claimed dead

And a mind that stays awake at all the wrong times and haunts me all day and night

A body that can no longer stay on its feet and seems to be ready to fall

A brain that seems to be a puzzling mess getting rid of all the old memories

Feet that ache with pain and go all directions, yet, cannot find their way home

A spirit that tells me to keep going that I’ve almost made it to the finale.

 

“I can’t”

 

“It hurts”

 

“Make it stop!”

 

A smile that gives hope

Eyes that shine bright

Eyebrows that express wonderful emotions

A heart that goes on

Feet that keep moving forward

And a motto that says “Fall, Rise, Heal and overcome”

 

          As scary as things were without quarantine, with it, the world became alarming. I started quarantine thinking it would be fun to not attend in-person learning because of some virus. By the end, I ended up throwing pennies into the fountain every day wishing it would go back to the way things were.

          I was stuck at home everyday feeling like a lab rat. Things slowly started to go off the edge, and I felt like this would never end. My mother and I would go on short walks to the beach, always keeping our distance from others so that we could catch some fresh air and “relax.” We have never been in this situation before and it felt very unfortunate.

          Not so much time went by when we got a call that my grandpa was sick, and he wasn’t doing so well. We just had to keep praying and hoping for the best. Two days later, he was taken to the hospital. He was very pale, cold, and he wasn’t breathing properly. He was in there almost a month before he passed. 

          It was not an easy thing to go through because times were already hard enough and without him, it wouldn’t be the same. My grandpa and I were very close for as long as I can remember. Never had I thought this day would come. I felt my whole world collapse in front of my eyes, and I was in a panic. For a while I felt like I had no energy for anything, and I felt that words were so irrelevant. I felt so lost, and I felt like I was slowly losing myself. 

          After many tears shed and lonely days . . . I finally found some strength to get up. Thanks to those amazing friends, family, and teachers, who were by my side. I started to depend on writing poems and short stories. Those were really helpful in the hard times. Whatever I was feeling I felt I could write it all down and turn it into a beautiful masterpiece. Today I keep moving forward and fighting through the pain and the constant “what if.” I keep reminding myself that time heals and that I CAN do this. So I wrote this poem about just that: about never giving up and living with hope.

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